Hazardous Material

The unedited Joe Gaiter interview! HE contacted me for an interview knowing my work in "Sister Act 2". What is your view on life right now? If you want to create the dream that you see for yourself you need to block out all other distracting or disempowering influences. You will not make it unless you are vigilantly self-confident and keep one leg in the real world and the other leg in your dreams. Even constructive criticism can chip away at your belief in yourself and lessen your ability to affect the change you see possible in the world. Where did you grow up? Tell me about your childhood. I was born in Bar Harbor, Maine, but I grew up in Santa Clara, California. I was the only comedian in the microchip generation out of the Silicon Valley. All of my friends and family were computer programmers and I.T people and I was the class clown. I started entertaining at the age of six performing for family and friends of the family. I would dress up in a suit with glasses and a can...

I want to thank everyone in Cirque du Soleil's "Totem" for having me as a guest today to teach my "Clown and Movement" class in the Artistic tent. I was surprised how many people came in to work early to take part in the class. Thank you so much! We had a lot of fun and crammed a lot of material into an hour and a half. Everyone was so attentive and committed to doing the exercises and I really appreciated that. What a fantastic group of people! Thank you so much, Melanie for having me. And thank you cast members who gave me your energy and personalities so freely today. I really had a great time and I hope you gained a lot as well. All the best! Christian

After writing the previous blog I contacted Nacho to tell him how much I enjoyed his work on this piece he calls, "I Miss You!" portraying a real life version of "Bert" from Sesame Street. He got back to me with this friendly e-mail. (He communicates in English well. He is from Spain.) "Hi christian, Thank you very very much for your kind of words and compliments, that is too much for me. It means a lot for me coming from such a great artist like you; i t is really a pleasure to read your words because you´ve understood what I want to show in my piece. It is always confortable to see such a good reactions of people about the piece, that´s because we are working on it, is it?. It has been a great surprise you are an artist of Cirque d Soleil, and a really great artist ( I heve been seeing your youtube videos) Please when you are in Spain , let me know..(redacted) Thanks again for your words and continue making the people happy with your art. Nacho" Thanks...

Look into the face of childhoods fancy turned surreal. Way too real. Truth. Artist, Nacho Diaz recently lit up the internet with his incredible depiction of what "Bert" from Sesame Street would look like if he were an actual person. This work of art takes one of our childhood archetypes and places him squarely inches from our nose to reconsider what we've laughed at all of these years.Ourselves. Seriously though, I can't help laughing at this disturbing creature.This piece exemplifies all of my favorite things in comedy. Real. Creepy. Childlike. Unblinking unapologetic dead pan bizarity. Hats off to you, Nacho, for a masterpiece of pop culture phenomenon. Thank you.

I never thought I’d be wearing leg warmers when I met gangster rapper/actor Ice Cube. I was headed to a rehearsal for an independent film I was shooting. In the movie I was portraying a bounty hunter alien who is zapped by a laser and transformed into a member of a boy band. I had a rehearsal to go to in Hollywood where I was going to be instructed by an ex-“Solid Gold” dancer, I was told. To truly center myself in the part of boy band member I put on orange leg warmers, yellow shorts, white t-shirt, sneakers, and big orange sunglasses with a yellow headband on my bald white head. I looked horrible, but felt funny so it should work out. I drove to a dance studio in Hollywood located next to Gold’s Gym. I parked my car a few blocks away and was walking to the studio behind four black guys when I realized the shortest one was “Ice Cube” from the gangsta rap group “N.W.A”. I grew up listening to N.W.A’s “Fuck the Police!”, but I would omit the curse word and end up only saying,”…the polic...

On my international flight from Pittsburgh to Paris, I was overwhelmed by the hospitality. They served a good dinner complete with pasta, salad, bread, crackers cheese, and a brownie for desert. The wine and beer was complimentary and the staff was very accommodating. I thought to myself, “This is one of the best flights I’ve ever been on.” As I documented my experience in my journal and analyzed the situation it reminded of a theory I posited a few years ago. “Christian’s Prison Theory” has been an oral tradition passed on for hundreds upon hundreds of…days. “Christian’s Theory” states that life becomes more pleasurable when you are given back enjoyments or rights that were at one time taken away. To explain more clearly allow me to recess back to rudimentary arithmetic. Yes, I know “I hate math.” Me too. I’m not very good at it. I still count on my fingers secretly while working out the tip at a restaurant while the waitress hovers over the table waiting to take back the check. But t...

Where could you get a cat eating alien, a modern wizard, a talking car with a guy in tight pants, a sideways driving car with a guy in tight pants, and a man and a boy traveling through time together and it NOT be creepy? ( The man and boy together not the wizard) All them were on my television set in the 1980's. Such a plentiful landscape of characters and creativity! If the late sixties and seventies brought outside the box drug addled classic kids tv then the eighties gave us superheros and alien life forms galore. Some of my favorites were, "Mr. Merlin" with Barnard Hughes (whom I shared the film screen with in "Sister Act 2" a genuine man) The show follows Merlin as he trains a young man as an apprentice to take over the wizardry when he moves on. Another fav was "Voyagers" where we follow a muscular guy in a vest without a shirt through time as he tries to get a young boy back to his time period and they "give history a push" when it ne...

When I got notice of Greg Giraldo dying I felt I had to write a few words out of respect. I will point out from the start that I have never met Greg, but he has won my respect following him over the years through his television appearances. On the stand up circuit Greg has been active for many years, but it is his consistent delivery of killer material on the “Comedy Central Roasts” series that has built a following for him that continued to grow. The team of Jeffrey Ross and Greg Giraldo on any roast is the A-list of harsh comedy writing that makes every appearance one of the best anyone’s ever seen. With a fearless attack on stereotypes, rumors, habits, and lies he has crafted some of the funniest harshest truthful material on the comedy scene. Vintage Greg Giraldo: “Larry the Cable Guy, this is exciting. I have never roasted a fake character before. Maybe next year we can roast Sponge Bob Square Pants…Larry, you gravy sweating cousin fucker.” “Jeffrey Ross, how fat do you plan on g...

As coerced by the writing magazine, I researched and purchased a writing device called the “Neo” by Alpha Smart. It is basically the writing version of the Kindle. Rather what the Kindle is to reading the Neo is to writing. A simple dedicated device to output writing and not be distracted by the internet or social networking sites. Just simple typing and either uploading into word processor of choice or directly plugging into printer and printing as a stand alone. This device runs on three AA batteries per year on average and weighs very little so I can take this solid little helper anywhere. The Neo has really multiplied my output. This is the first blog to be written on the device so we’ll see how easily it goes, but as far as writing lyrics and chapters the Neo is superb. On a writing related note I have completed four chapters of my upcoming book about ME. My favorite subject! Publishers are already interested. Finally people can access the nitty gritty bizarre development of my ...

Now that most of the morning was spent sending back virtual drinks sent to me on Facebook...I have to start to make a real dent in the day. So let's get this clear...I have 17 days left at "KOOZA". (I'm not counting down the shows because I'm not in a hurry to leave, I want to appreciate my time and each show is "one more precious jewel"...to harass,annoy, and entertain people in the San Diego area.) But what's the next step for you,Christian? Number One: I will be freelancing from my newly purchased (Dec.2008) home in Pittsburgh,PA booking private engagements and working "smarter". Less hours of falling on the floor screaming and more hours enjoying my family and the lack of exhausting physical performance. Number Two: I am being hired by some great eclectic companies to do some Creative Director work in charge of stories and character development. (More on these when appropro.) Number Three: I'm working towards doing more European gi...