The scintillating life of Creative Director/ Variety Entertainer, Christian Fitzharris, and his never ending voyage to do everything in the world. ( at a respectful pace... of course)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

"Meeting Ice Cube" an excerpt from the upcoming book "Nothing Sacred, Nothing Holy" by Christian Fitzharris.

I never thought I’d be wearing leg warmers when I met gangster rapper/actor Ice Cube. I was headed to a rehearsal for an independent film I was shooting. In the movie I was portraying a bounty hunter alien who is zapped by a laser and transformed into a member of a boy band. I had a rehearsal to go to in Hollywood where I was going to be instructed by an ex-“Solid Gold” dancer, I was told. To truly center myself in the part of boy band member I put on orange leg warmers, yellow shorts, white t-shirt, sneakers, and big orange sunglasses with a yellow headband on my bald white head. I looked horrible, but felt funny so it should work out. I drove to a dance studio in Hollywood located next to Gold’s Gym. I parked my car a few blocks away and was walking to the studio behind four black guys when I realized the shortest one was “Ice Cube” from the gangsta rap group “N.W.A”. I grew up listening to N.W.A’s “Fuck the Police!”, but I would omit the curse word and end up only saying,”…the police!” over and over again which sounded like I was Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man”. “Hot water burn baby!”

“Cube” I said to him, one foot behind his head. He turned around in almost perfect synchronicity with the three bodyguards surrounding him. His face looked exactly like that angry snarl that made him famous.
“Yeah,” he said, looking me up and down from my leg warmers to my giant orange glasses. I was very nervous and my voice quaked as I spoke, “I’m a big fan and a fellow actor/rapper. I write metaphysical hip hop and you have been a big inspiration to me. I loved “Westside Connection” so much that I got my sketch comedy group, “The Mock-Notz” tattooed on my back in old English see…”
I turned around reaching to my lower back lifting my shirt up to display my tattoo. “See”, I said. He grunted or made a small sound in response and I turned back around to see Ice Cube’s face looking completely pale. “I just wanted to tell you what huge influence you’ve had on me, Thank you!”
“Cool” he said as he gave me a “pound” banging his fist against mine. As he walked away I heard him say to his bodyguards, “I thought that white boy was going to kill me”. I was surprised he said that and ran through the whole exciting interaction again to see if I was missing something. Crazy looking boy band member in leg warmers and giant glasses walks up nervously rambling about what a fan he is and then reaches around to the small of his back where guns are carried and comes back empty handed! The movement for showing my tramp stamp tattoo looks identical to reaching around to produce a weapon to kill someone. Christian Fitzharris, the clown who almost killed Ice Cube, “The N*GG% You Love to Hate”.
Stay true to tha street!

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