Hazardous Material

Techno-capivity.

2011-10-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

I think it is important that we rule our tools and not let our tools rule over us.

This is my hesitation with the release of the iPhone 4s and Siri. We are a society that has slowly been socially crippled by our enjoyment of technology. The appearance of the iPod allowed us to shut out other humans and invoke a state of musical intoxication whenever and wherever we wanted. The grocery store, the post office, and even walking with friends and family. This serves as a wall of separation and offers something similar to what we call “creative hiding” in the world of acting. Creative hiding is the use of a hat or hair to close off the expressions of our face. When you use the brim of a baseball cap to obstruct the full openness of your face you are masking your emotions and expressions to others around you. When you use an iPod with friends or family present you are employing an even deeper separation than that which is provided by a hat or long bangs in your face. The wall of music is complete in closing off all outside connections and the only way someone may make contact with you is through catching your attention visually or by physically touching you.

The iPhone brought a new level of technological obsession and solitude. One of the main reasons I didn’t want an iPhone, in the beginning, was that I didn’t want to become like all of my friends, staring into a small plastic box isolating social interaction. Instead of just checking your phone for the time minutes or hours can go by under the trance of information, games, social networking sites, and apps. Now it has become the norm to see couples in restaurants sitting silently with one another staring into their own individual entertainment systems instead of sharing thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Families have existed for generations on the sharing of opinions and differences as conversational fodder and each member of the family was better off because of it. I understand there is a positive aspect to the exchange of ideas on the internet. (I do have a podcast after all.) But with each generation of technology we are becoming more and more reliant upon these devices and in some cases handicapped by them. If you lost your cell phone right now how many phone numbers do you have memorized to be able to call someone for help? I know I only have a couple numbers memorized. We have become addicted to cell phones, which easily store all of our info for ease of use, but I no longer need to know phone numbers. I just select, “Mom” in my phone. Or even just say, “Mom” and my phone calls my mother. But if I were stranded and in danger without my techno pocket crutch, how would I call for help? We have become privileged to the point of passivity. Techno captivity.

Divination. What's your favorite?

2011-07-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Divination. What’s your favorite? Like donuts, they are all so beautiful in different ways. Tarot is the major contender, of course, because it has stood the test of time as a stronghold of reliability and depth. Also people like a book with pictures and The Book “T” has that in spades, I mean disks. There are also a wide variety of spreads for using tarot cards which make it adaptable for your personality. Unfortunately, I have a chronic habit of losing one card, just one card, from every tarot deck I have ever owned. (My current deck has to be sealed in a bag immediately after using.) But everyone knows I don’t play with a full deck!
As Tigger the Tarot reader used to sing while attending a tarot convention with Winnie the Seer, “The wonderful thing about tarot, tarot are wonderful things. There tops are spun out of DE-signs. There bottoms are made out of dreams.” You can use a deck of tarot cards to work the paths of the Tree of Life or to do dream invocation work, attracting the influences you want while sleeping. Specific tarot cards may be laid out as the Enochian Tablet of Union with interesting results. Regular playing cards may be used for readings as is popular and affordable to many. The tarot multitasking is virtually endless.

Now, holding more affection for me is the I-Ching. Whether you use Canadian coins, yarrow stalk, Chinese coins, painted rocks, or turtle shells, the I-Ching is a fantastic method of getting some pretty direct answers to your inquiries. There are also as many different methods to get your answers as there are paths to walk down to get home from your work. Are you a person who uses the three coin method or the six coin method? Do you embrace the “running line” or ignore it? I crafted some I-Ching sticks modeled after Aleister Crowley’s method given to Grady Mc Murtry. Jerry Cornelius has a great blog entry showing a picture of a set of sticks he made based on Mc Murtry’s sticks which were given to him by Crowley and they work really nice for me. There is also a great story Grady told Cornelius about Crowley devising his own methods using the I-Ching framework without using sticks or coins. Crowley would walk down the street stating his question to the universe and if the next person he encountered was a woman he chalked that up to be the equivalent to yin. If it was a man he came across he would be counted as yang. And so on until he had the requisite lines for the “reading” filled out. This is a very creative way of utilizing a divinatory system without needing pesky cards or coins. You could basically create your own system deducing your own methods and outcomes.
In my Golden Dawn work, I used geomancy for awhile with great results. If you have a chance to look at this method of divination I really recommend it because there are some fun things going on with the calculations of the reading. Originally, geomancy was drawn with a stick in the dirt, but now it is more “user friendly” to use the same method with a pen and paper. (Carrying sacks of dirt on the chance you may do a reading for someone really gets old. You have to have enough dirt to cover the table at Starbucks and you receive some seriously “dirty” looks. Get it? Right, let’s pretend this never happened.)
Maybe you’re more of a pendulum reader. Or a conch shell thrower. I even own a book on using a Rubik’s cube as a “Cube of Light” to do readings with! There are some fantastic divination systems out there. It’s all about finding which one works for what you’re doing and what feels right to a Magus like you.

Here's Cornelius' writing regarding Crowley's I-Ching sticks: http://www.cornelius93.com/CROWLEYSI-CHINGSTICKS.html

The big "Bastille Day" gala for Variety.org!

2011-07-12T05:40:00.000-07:00

Two days away from the big fundraiser for Variety.org and I’m still polishing material. No surprise there! You don’t hire a creative director who uses improvisational methods and expect any less.
Variety provides modified bicycles and other equipment to developmentally challenged kids to help them stay mobile and live normal lives. Every year they have an annual fundraiser to get money to help the children and this year they brought me on as event designer to help pull of the largest fundraiser they have attempted yet. Variety is an international charity and the Pittsburgh office is the original of a now global organization. This year’s event is scheduled for July 14th which falls on “Bastille Day”. The event organizer, Marilyn Caye, decided to pull out all the stops and make it a full on French themed extravaganza. The fundraiser takes place in a spacious mansion over looking the famous three rivers of Pittsburgh, high above, from atop the hill of Mt. Washington. The event is presented by the Honorary French Consul Jean-Dominique Le Garrec and has sponsors from all of the Pennsylvania corporate giants, all for a great cause. There will be food and wine tastings in the wine cellar presented by local executive chefs. An award winning performance of “Les Mis” will happen at intervals. Strolling musicians will add ambience to the pool area and outdoor grounds. A caricature artist will exaggerate your worst features and a mime will…do…mime stuff like mimic people and hopefully climb an invisible rope!
As the emcee, of sorts, (myself as) “Viceroy Nostril von Picklebau of the Salzburg Picklebau’s” will be holding court throughout the entire estate whirling the masses into a mystical magical frenzy of fantasy and French themed frivolity fantastically formulated to feed the fruitful fever of frightful fun.
Tickets are $300 a plate and proceeds go to the priceless purpose of providing precious people with the gift of mobility, self-confidence, and hope.

I am honored to be a part of this year’s wonderful group of organizers. Beauseant! As noble knights we charge forth with the wind at our backs and a firm grip on the sword of possibilities!

My interview with Dr. Joe Gaiter.

2011-07-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

The unedited Joe Gaiter interview! HE contacted me for an interview knowing my work in "Sister Act 2".

What is your view on life right now?

If you want to create the dream that you see for yourself you need to block out all other distracting or disempowering influences. You will not make it unless you are vigilantly self-confident and keep one leg in the real world and the other leg in your dreams. Even constructive criticism can chip away at your belief in yourself and lessen your ability to affect the change you see possible in the world.

Where did you grow up? Tell me about your childhood.

I was born in Bar Harbor, Maine, but I grew up in Santa Clara, California. I was the only comedian in the microchip generation out of the Silicon Valley. All of my friends and family were computer programmers and I.T people and I was the class clown. I started entertaining at the age of six performing for family and friends of the family. I would dress up in a suit with glasses and a cane and try to do a Brittish accent and perform for classmates and family members. I started practicing magic and doing magic tricks to “amaze” my audiences.

Where did you spend most of your teenage years? High school?

Santa Clara High School was my school. I infected every department of performance with my hammy entertainment addiction. At one point I was the Entertainment Commissioner of the school, the Drum Major of the marching band, the assistant conductor of the orchestra, active in choir and Barbershop Quartet, as well as being the President of the Drama Club. My hunger for show business was insatiable and my work ethic unstoppable.

Where did you go after high school?

I attended one semester of Foothill College in the Bay Area, but my grades lacked and I needed to perform. I did one play in that semester before my college career came to an end.

When did you begin acting?

I did one community production before the age of fifteen, but I really jumped into acting at the age of fifteen. My friends convinced me I was well suited to acting because I was funny. I was cast in the school play, “The Diary of Anne Frank”.
Acting was different than what I had been doing because you had “lines” and a director. I did my best and received the award for “Most Improved Actor” (which is a polite way of saying I was inexperienced and got better as the production moved on.)

We all remember you on “Sister Act 2”. How did you get that role?

I was in the hospital for asthma. My mom found a flyer for a workshop to get an agent in San Francisco. I went to the workshop and the agent signed me. The second audition she sent me on was for “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit”. I went through a series of auditions in San Francisco and Los Angeles.
I was up for the part of “The White Guy Who Thinks He’s Black Because he can rap.” In L.A it came down to David Faustino (Married with Children), Mark Wahlberg (Marky Mark and the Funky bunch- Boogie Nights- The Departed etc.) and me.
Instead of pitting us together in a fight to the death, the writers created a new role for me and my comedy background as the class nerd. I received a phone call telling me I got the job while my parents were away at the bottom of the Grand Canyon on vacation. By the time they called to see how I was doing I was living in a plush Hollywood community provided by Disney Pictures. We did everything during the filming. Singing on the soundtrack under the direction of Mervyn Warren of “Take 6” (the gospel group), filming throughout L.A, and taping the Disney Channel music video on the old Charlie Chaplin stage at AMG studios. It was a true honor. I made some great friends and had a fantastic time. More of the details will be in my upcoming book to be published later this year.

How long have you done stand-up comedy?

Right before “Sister Act 2” I studied stand-up with a great teacher Neil Lieberman in S.F. He got me started on my way and I followed up in Los Angeles at comedy clubs and under the teachings of Judy Carter, author of “The Stand Up Comedy Handbook”. I was honored to perform in the historic Bay Area “Holy City Zoo” as well as “The Improv” and “The Comedy Store” in Hollywood. My influences were Sam Kinison, Pee-Wee Herman, Bobcat Goldthwait, Robin Williams, Amazing Johnathan, Penn & Teller,and Andy Kaufman.

Tell us about your work with Cirque du Soleil.

To start this story I must transport us back in time. Back to 1991, when I was seventeen years old. My family took me to see Cirque du Soleil’s “Nouvelle Experience” in San Jose. The only thing I remember about seeing this show was it’s extravagant production and the funniest/harshest clown I had ever seen. He was so funny and provocative to his volunteers. Cut to fifteen years later (2006) and this same man, personally, hired me to be a clown in his Cirque du Soleil produced show, “KOOZA”. I co-created the two ten minute clown acts in the show and toured North America for four years performing with this incredible production.

What do you want your legacy to be?

The word “legacy” presupposes leaving an impression, and I will be lucky if I do. Mostly I am here to see my own vision of possibility to manifestation. If I can do that I will be very lucky. The journey of “The Clown” is one of varying degrees of enlightenment and he still clumsily messes everything up. I am honored to just be able to entertain every demographic of human existence in varying ways.
I am working to make people happy and informed and anything else is gravy. If I can continue to achieve this, I will be a very satisfied entertainer.

What are you working on currently?

I have created an entertainment company in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and continue to teach workshops/Master Classes, and do variety performance all over the globe. My memoir will be published later this year, which traces some of the bizarre and hilarious stories of my life in entertainment and the spiritual path.

Joe Gaiter can be found at:

http://thegaiterview.com/

Dead words.

2011-07-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

"...on bad days I have only dead words, and they are so corpse-heavy that I cannot write with them, not even a letter. Is that bad, weak? And yet God wills it so with me..."- Rilke

Emotion from Rilke.

2011-07-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

"...all emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you. Everything that you can think in the face of your childhood, is right. Everything that makes more of you than you have heretofore been in your best hours, is right. Every heightening is good if it is in your whole blood, if it is not intoxication, not turbidity, but joy which one can see clear to the bottom. Do you understand what I mean?"
-Rainer Maria Rilke, "Letters to a Young Poet"

Plain truth from Nietzsche.

2011-06-30T10:01:00.000-07:00

"I believe that artists often do not know what they can do best: they are too vain. They are intent on something prouder than these small plants seem to be which grow on their soil, new, strange and beautiful, in real perfection. What is ultimately good in their own garden and vineyard they esteem lightly, and their love and insight are not equal."

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE-" Gay Science"- "WHERE I ADMIRE"

"Dreams into Action"

2011-06-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

"Dreams into Action: Getting what you want" by Milton Kateselas Copyright 1996

This book was referred to me by my close friend and mentor,Robert Urich. We used to read aloud in his study from "Letters to a young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke. It was a very unique experience hearing Robert's mellifluous baritone read these great artistic words of encouragement. He would read awhile and then pass a particular section over to me to read aloud. Eventually we moved on to "Dreams into Action" by Milton Katselas, who held Master Classes at The Beverly Hills Playhouse. Robert and his wife Heather were adamant about how much I would benefit from attending classes with Milton. They really thought I could gain a lot from going to The Playhouse and plied me with wine and encouragement from the living room of their family vacation home outside of Toronto, Canada. I decided to give it a try and Robert made the request for me to be accepted into The Beverly Hills Playhouse's next open class. With The Urich's vouching for me I was a shoe in, and started class within a month of returning from Canada.

The ideas and stories Milton talks about in his classes and writes about in this great book have the power to change your life. He is patently persuasive while being pertinently practical. (It must be because he grew up in a Greek family in Pittsburgh, Pennyslvania where age Appalachian wisdom meets steel mill common sense!) "Dreams into Action" is a quick easy read ,but the real challenge is doing the exercises and uprooting the problem areas of your life. It is a courageous task to take on and Milton is a warm friend talking you through it the whole way. If you are looking for that self help book that doesn't insult your intelligence and scratches at the areas we try to hide and ignore, "Dreams into Action" is for you. But don't let Milton catch you sleeping on your homework or he may enlist you in "Terrorist Theater" so that you get on the fast track to overcoming your fears and defeating the snake that lurks beneath your insecurities. For the discerning autodidact in all of us.

Rest in Peace, Milton and Robert. I'm sure Master Class is rollicking now.

Smile! Your immortal.

2011-06-30T06:55:00.001-07:00

I must've been asked to pose in thousands, even tens of thousands of pictures over my many years performing in shows all over the world. People want to capture memories and moments and lock them in technology to be relived later in a different location of geography and time. You may not even be in a "show" and are still asked to be in pictures with guests at your work place. A lively conversation with the couple at the table next to yours may turn into a quick picture and plans to meet again in the future. If you work in the food service industry you are often included in photos with the birthday boy or girl or even their parents and grandparents. But you never know where these pictures end up.

Sure most of them sit on hard drives or in undeveloped film canisters at the bottom of a drawer or box, but a few are chosen to be incarnated and sealed within the records in a family room or on a homemade calendar on a senior family members refrigerator. Others are lost in boxes over years marinading in the moist heavy air of a dark basement under the darkness of Martha Stewart magazines and recipes, ever to be estranged from human palettes. The most elite of all of these photographs captures the person in a passing moment everyone wants to remember them by. That look on their face. The restriction in the muscles smiling. The plastic time cementer encasing racing moments. Paused glowing and frozen.

Somewhere a picture of you taken in a public place may be sitting in a frame on a vodou altar after your dead. You don't want to look like a jackass for eternity, so give us a smile worthy of an immortal.

Merci, Cirque du Soleil's Totem!

2011-06-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone in Cirque du Soleil's "Totem" for having me as a guest today to teach my "Clown and Movement" class in the Artistic tent. I was surprised how many people came in to work early to take part in the class. Thank you so much! We had a lot of fun and crammed a lot of material into an hour and a half.
Everyone was so attentive and committed to doing the exercises and I really appreciated that.
What a fantastic group of people! Thank you so much, Melanie for having me. And thank you cast members who gave me your energy and personalities so freely today.

I really had a great time and I hope you gained a lot as well.
All the best!

Christian

The controversy of "Common" and the White House.

2011-05-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

Rapper "Common" being invited to the White House. A dicey zig zag of a line.
Everyone is laying the responsibility upon "Common", but the mistake and lack of forethought is the fault of the White House.
I like "Common". His personality and music is pretty tame in comparison to the rest of the hip hop world. (But we shouldn't measure success against lack of failure either.) "Common" has some lyrics that advocate violence against the police, but I doubt he has been in a police abuse case. Yet.
I listen to heavy metal, crazy screaming murder music, and quiet relaxing music as well. I think music is a release and gives the listener a safe way to rebel and throw off pent up emotions by becoming the subject of the music they are listening to.
It is fantasy. Music should you take you to another place real or imagined. We listen for entertainment. Period.
There is a very clear distinction between taking responsibility for your words as an artist and passively accepting an invitation to perform at The White House.

I believe "SCHOLAR The Rapping Occultist" should not be invited to the White House, but Christian Fitzharris is available and awaiting the invite.

Check out my You Tube videos.

2011-04-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

If you would like to check out my You Tube videos go here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianFitzharris

I usually post new comedy pieces or magic routines at this link as well.
The world's a stage...don't waste the audiences time!

Cheers!

A follow up with Nacho!

2011-04-25T06:27:00.001-07:00

After writing the previous blog I contacted Nacho to tell him how much I enjoyed his work on this piece he calls, "I Miss You!" portraying a real life version of "Bert" from Sesame Street. He got back to me with this friendly e-mail. (He communicates in English well. He is from Spain.)

"Hi christian,
Thank you very very much for your kind of words and compliments, that is too much for me.
It means a lot for me coming from such a great artist like you; i t is really a pleasure to read your words because you´ve understood what I want to show in my piece.
It is always confortable to see such a good reactions of people about the piece, that´s because we are working on it, is it?.
It has been a great surprise you are an artist of Cirque d Soleil, and a really great artist ( I heve been seeing your youtube videos)

Please when you are in Spain , let me know..(redacted)
Thanks again for your words and continue making the people happy with your art.
Nacho"

Thanks, Nacho! The fact that I understood what you wanted to show with this piece is a tribute to you as a master of your art form.

Nacho Diaz captures all of my favorite comedic sensibilities.

2011-04-23T06:08:00.001-07:00

Look into the face of childhoods fancy turned surreal. Way too real. Truth.

Artist, Nacho Diaz recently lit up the internet with his incredible depiction of what "Bert" from Sesame Street would look like if he were an actual person. This work of art takes one of our childhood archetypes and places him squarely inches from our nose to reconsider what we've laughed at all of these years.Ourselves.

Seriously though, I can't help laughing at this disturbing creature.This piece exemplifies all of my favorite things in comedy.
Real. Creepy. Childlike. Unblinking unapologetic dead pan bizarity.

Hats off to you, Nacho, for a masterpiece of pop culture phenomenon. Thank you.

Where do you see yourself?

2011-04-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

I was asked to write a piece to encourage the high school students at Santa Clara High which I graduated from in 1992.
Here's what I wrote.

School is more than just a place you are required by law to be. Sure the main purpose of going to school is to get an education that will make you a more capable human being and lead to a career that will feed you and possibly those you attach yourself to or create later in life. But high school is also a place where a lot of your likes and dislikes are cemented in your personality and you learn social lessons that educate you, culturally, for the rest of your life.

I was asked to write something for you because I am one of many graduates from Santa Clara High School who went on to experience success after graduating.
The truth is that every inch of success I achieved in life began at Santa Clara High.
I have toured North America with Cirque du Soleil performing for millions of people. I have entertained audiences throughout the entire Caribbean on massive cruise ships the size of Vallco Shopping Mall. I co-starred with Whoopi Goldberg, Dame Maggie Smith, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Lauren Hill in the Disney family film, “Sister Act 2”.

My first year at SC was in 1989. I was fifteen years old. I had been performing magic tricks and dressing up as different characters for friends and family. In my first year of high school I auditioned for the play “The Diary of Anne Frank” and was cast as "Peter". This was one of my first times performing in a theater and I loved it! I soon was enrolled in band playing the saxophone and singing in choir. If there were a performing art at Santa Clara High School, I wanted to be in it. Classrooms were just “stages” to me for captive audiences. By my sophomore year, I was firing on all cylinders and was doing every play and taking every opportunity to perform. I can remember, even now, high school assemblies and performers that came to the school who made a huge impression on me. “Mr. Enunciation”, taught proper and clear pronunciation of words which inspired my enjoyment of English class. Reading and writing was enjoyable to me and later helped me understand movie scripts and write lyrics for an off-Broadway musical production of “Titus Andronicus” from Shakespeare. A hysterical mime/comedian came to the school and interested me even more in physical comedy. The class trip to see the musical, “Les Miserables” at the San Jose Civic Light Opera inspired me to write a full parody of every song in the show and perform it in my classroom “theaters”. This gave me experience putting together rhyming verse and poetry which culminated in later producing my own hip hop albums and collaborating with a Cirque du Soleil composer to create one of the musical pieces in the creation of the show,”KOOZA”.

These examples are just a few of the memories that were given to me by Santa Clara High that influenced me in my decisions years later. The more I performed at school the more I wanted to perform outside of school in “the real world”.
I auditioned for California’s Great America theme park and became a costume character walking around the park and performing on stage in the show. The following year I took my experience doing school talent shows and shaped it with the help of a Bay Area magician, and got hired to do my own shows wherever I chose to street perform in the park. I was only seventeen years old and my time onstage at school and at the amusement park was piling up shaping into the beginning of a career in show business. School plays pushed me to do murder mystery dinner theater for the “Mystery Café” working with adult professional actors. And one school play, “Scared Scriptless” mated me with my life long love of improvisational comedy. The Comedy Sportz organization formed a high school league and I was able to excel until I became captain of our school improv team working with a great team of classmate improvisers. Improv has led me to Cirque du Soleil, to writing a book, to doing humor therapy workshops and to story and character design, working with Pendulum Aerial Arts in association with The Portland Art Museum.
Drama class moved me to be an extra in films such as, “Mrs. Doubtfire” and “So I Married an Axe Murderer” with Robin Williams and Mike Meyers. I did these films in my senior year. I got experience working on a movie set and becoming comfortable around stars and heavy motion picture equipment. A year later I was co-starring in the hit film, “Sister Act 2” living in Hollywood singing ( a’la choir) and dancing (a’la Great America) with a soon to be Grammy Award winning R&B star. Every one of my choices led me to the next level of the dream I saw laid out before me.

The point of all of this is that everything you are doing or NOT doing while attending Santa Clara High School is shaping the potential of your future. Opportunities are here for you now and if you are brave enough to grab them they can shape where you are in the future. But who am I to tell YOU what to do? Who the heck am I?
I’m an actor, a comedian, a writer, and a musician. I’m a magician, a juggler, a clown, and a motivational speaker.
Who the heck am I?
I am Santa Clara High School Alumni and I represent YOU and the possibilities you can extract from life. So go out and write your own story and be a part of a great lineage that is as diverse as Olympic champions, professional sports stars, graphic artists, and entertainers.

Perfect match for Curly in "Three Stooges" biopic by Farrelly Brothers!

2011-02-12T08:49:00.001-08:00

Needless to say those who know me already know I am a perfect fit for the role of "Curly" in the upcoming film by The Farrelly Brothers, but allow me to strengthen this case with a few points. I grew up watching the Stooges at a young age (like most of us) and knew I wanted to be a comedian since second grade. I have been an improv and physical comedian professionally since the age of fifteen. The comedy I have written through the span of my career has always balanced between "edgy" physical comedy and classic.

The work I did co-creating the clown trio acts of Cirque du Soleil's "KOOZA" represents this well.
Classic and ridiculous. An homage to old and the sense of new.
I am now the same age as Curly Howard was when he was making these classic films.
Of similar build, I also have the comedic "chops" to honor this great bald comedian with the utmost respect.

I have sent e-mail submissions and physical packages , but I am continuing to find new ways to let my skills be offered.
Long live the Stooges!!

Please visit my You Tube Channel and watch my Curly audition from the script I received.
Note: There are not two other people to interact with so you'll have to visualize Moe. Or don't and just see a crazy man with a high pitched voice. Cheers!

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianFitzharris?feature=mhum

"Meeting Ice Cube" an excerpt from the upcoming book "Nothing Sacred, Nothing Holy" by Christian Fitzharris.

2011-01-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

I never thought I’d be wearing leg warmers when I met gangster rapper/actor Ice Cube. I was headed to a rehearsal for an independent film I was shooting. In the movie I was portraying a bounty hunter alien who is zapped by a laser and transformed into a member of a boy band. I had a rehearsal to go to in Hollywood where I was going to be instructed by an ex-“Solid Gold” dancer, I was told. To truly center myself in the part of boy band member I put on orange leg warmers, yellow shorts, white t-shirt, sneakers, and big orange sunglasses with a yellow headband on my bald white head. I looked horrible, but felt funny so it should work out. I drove to a dance studio in Hollywood located next to Gold’s Gym. I parked my car a few blocks away and was walking to the studio behind four black guys when I realized the shortest one was “Ice Cube” from the gangsta rap group “N.W.A”. I grew up listening to N.W.A’s “Fuck the Police!”, but I would omit the curse word and end up only saying,”…the police!” over and over again which sounded like I was Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man”. “Hot water burn baby!”

“Cube” I said to him, one foot behind his head. He turned around in almost perfect synchronicity with the three bodyguards surrounding him. His face looked exactly like that angry snarl that made him famous.
“Yeah,” he said, looking me up and down from my leg warmers to my giant orange glasses. I was very nervous and my voice quaked as I spoke, “I’m a big fan and a fellow actor/rapper. I write metaphysical hip hop and you have been a big inspiration to me. I loved “Westside Connection” so much that I got my sketch comedy group, “The Mock-Notz” tattooed on my back in old English see…”
I turned around reaching to my lower back lifting my shirt up to display my tattoo. “See”, I said. He grunted or made a small sound in response and I turned back around to see Ice Cube’s face looking completely pale. “I just wanted to tell you what huge influence you’ve had on me, Thank you!”
“Cool” he said as he gave me a “pound” banging his fist against mine. As he walked away I heard him say to his bodyguards, “I thought that white boy was going to kill me”. I was surprised he said that and ran through the whole exciting interaction again to see if I was missing something. Crazy looking boy band member in leg warmers and giant glasses walks up nervously rambling about what a fan he is and then reaches around to the small of his back where guns are carried and comes back empty handed! The movement for showing my tramp stamp tattoo looks identical to reaching around to produce a weapon to kill someone. Christian Fitzharris, the clown who almost killed Ice Cube, “The N*GG% You Love to Hate”.
Stay true to tha street!

Christian's Prison Theory.

2011-01-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

On my international flight from Pittsburgh to Paris, I was overwhelmed by the hospitality. They served a good dinner complete with pasta, salad, bread, crackers cheese, and a brownie for desert. The wine and beer was complimentary and the staff was very accommodating. I thought to myself, “This is one of the best flights I’ve ever been on.” As I documented my experience in my journal and analyzed the situation it reminded of a theory I posited a few years ago. “Christian’s Prison Theory” has been an oral tradition passed on for hundreds upon hundreds of…days. “Christian’s Theory” states that life becomes more pleasurable when you are given back enjoyments or rights that were at one time taken away. To explain more clearly allow me to recess back to rudimentary arithmetic.
Yes, I know “I hate math.” Me too. I’m not very good at it. I still count on my fingers secretly while working out the tip at a restaurant while the waitress hovers over the table waiting to take back the check. But the good news is you don’t have to know math very well to understand my theory. You just have to know how to “take away” and “add”. For example: Cliff has ten rights. Take away seven of Cliff’s rights and how many rights does Cliff have? That’s right! I mean correct. Cliff has three rights left. How many rights has Cliff lost? Very good! Cliff lost seven rights.
Now here’s where “Christian’s Prison Theory” comes into play. When Cliff is given back two rights, how does Cliff feel? He feels excited and thankful, well done! He forgets that he lost seven and instead stays focused on winning back two. Now, ladies and gentlemen, how many rights is Cliff still missing? That’s right! Five rights! You’re sharp! “Christian’s Prison Theory” shows that as long as there is a long enough time between when the rights are taken away and when the small sampling of rights are given back, there will always be appreciative people ready to receive two of their seven rights back. It doesn’t matter that their seven rights should never have been taken away. As long as the period of time is long enough, they will always be happy and even surprised when even the smallest amount of rights are given back.
This ties back around to my fantastic flight across the Atlantic because I was so excited that there was “free” beer and wine and a hot meal or two on the plane and that the staff was so congenial. But there was a time not too long ago that this was common practice on all flights throughout the United States. Some even remember a time when you could smoke on airplanes and there was a cocktail lounge! Can you imagine?! When was this time? These people must be in they’re FOURTIES! I wonder if there were unicorns then? Probably not, but you were allowed to trim your nails from your carry on luggage and a small bottle of water was able to satiate your thirst without being dumped on a table next to a person in a badge while your throat remains unlubricated.
Hell, ten years ago I took North Carolina moonshine on a trip to Los Angeles and today that would be considered a “threat” just because it’s a gadgillion proof.( And no, “North Carolina Moonshine” was not a stripper I was travelling with. It was actual North Carolina moonshine from the backwoods. Given to me from an old wine jug into a mason jar. Flavored with peach. Or at least that’s what the guy in overalls told me as he got up from his Lazy Boy with a CB radio mic on one side and a pistol on the other.
“Christian’s Prison Theory” has to do with prison because YOUR disreputable ways have earned you a stay in the big house and you are removed from a free life. If you persist in your unruliness you will be isolated further and imperial impudence will have you in the modern equivalent of an iron maiden. Now if you spend long enough in the iron maiden when you are put into solitary confinement you are relieved and feel privileged not to be shackled piece for piece and immovable. It will be as if you are a free man, I imagine. Sure you’re not throwing beer bottles out of the roof of your Mercedes Benz on the 5 freeway coming back from L.A after a two day bender, but you will be free to move your arms and legs as you wish and you can scratch your nose when there is an itch and THAT is freedom in any language.
Liberte! Now, I could elucidate further by describing solitary confinement to being back on the street ,but it’s unnecessary. Being in an iron maiden and allowed to be in solitary confinement in a prison is just like not being given hot food and cool alcohol on an airplane traveling wherever you need. In first class their wine is distributed in bottles. In passenger class it is in chilled boxes. That’s because we’re savages who can’t be trusted with bottles. We may break it open and use it as a weapon or a toilet. Limit us to liter wine boxes and we are hard pressed to even hold an empty wine box rigid enough to pierce human flesh. Thus, “Christian’s Prison Theory”. You’re welcome.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

1-1-11 huh?

Too binary for me, but maybe there's a surprise ending. I'll stick around. "Buy the ticket, take the ride"-HST

So 2010 is in the pooper and we have a clean trestle board to make our new plans upon.
I have a lot of homework to catch up on with this blog from the winter of 2010. It will come in small bursts.
My time in Paris was incredibly artistically inspiring while at the same time being relentless in everyday challenges. Even my escape from Charles de Gaulle was a learning experience, to say the least.

I am in the middle of producing some collaboration tracks with various artists. It's always fun to combine talents and styles in a semi-freeform art form.

I was interviewed on "The Bob Show" last night. More on that in the next day or so.

Much to look forward to in 2011 and I couldn't have made it this far without my kick ass soul warrior, Pristine.
I love you , my girl.

Now let's make this year regret its birth only hours after its arrival! We'll teach that wannabe Flavor Flav, Baby New Year, what life is really about and make him regret this day that he was born!

All the best in the New Year to all of my friends and family!

Cheers!

Superheros and alien lifeforms galore!

2010-10-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Where could you get a cat eating alien, a modern wizard, a talking car with a guy in tight pants, a sideways driving car with a guy in tight pants, and a man and a boy traveling through time together and it NOT be creepy? ( The man and boy together not the wizard) All them were on my television set in the 1980's.

Such a plentiful landscape of characters and creativity! If the late sixties and seventies brought outside the box drug addled classic kids tv then the eighties gave us superheros and alien life forms galore. Some of my favorites were, "Mr. Merlin" with Barnard Hughes (whom I shared the film screen with in "Sister Act 2" a genuine man) The show follows Merlin as he trains a young man as an apprentice to take over the wizardry when he moves on. Another fav was "Voyagers" where we follow a muscular guy in a vest without a shirt through time as he tries to get a young boy back to his time period and they "give history a push" when it needs it. Visiting classic moments in history and helping out.
"ALF" was fun and still active in popular memory. Who could forget that sly cat eating alien formerly known as "Gordon Schumway" back on his home planet of "Malmack". He now lives with a small boy and his family in a house where he processes human foods with his eight stomachs.
"Knight Rider" was great, but "Automan" with Chuck Wagner and Desi Arnaz Jr. was all the computer themed rage. Automan had "Cursor" his erm....cursor that would create anything he needed in order to catch the bad guys!
"Whiz Kids" was another fantastic show for a kid growing up in the Silicon Valley in the 80's. The story of policeman who uses a teenage boy and his computer to catch bad guys by hacking into security systems and sprinklers systems to trap them at their own game.

This is just a selection of a few of my favorites which influenced my work in improvisational comedy for the rest of my life.
Why choose for a guest to arrive in a dinner scene when an alien could drop through the window? Why teach another dance class in a school improv when you could have a cursor build a man eating dinosaur in the room and you must fight for your life?!

The 80's represented some of the most interesting television plots around. Proven by the improvisational comedy I produce daily.

Type these show names into You Tube if you want to get reacquainted with these classics.

"Comedian" the process of harvesting comedy.

2010-10-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for a great documentary style peek into the obsessions of comedians and the "comic lifestyle".
Be sure to check out "Comedian" which follows Jerry Seinfeld after he's retired from his television show and re-entering the stand up comedy clubs to write all new material.

The normal process for developing successful stand up comedy set starts off with about 3-5 minutes of written jokes or stories with act outs. Of this amount of time only a handful of jokes will get a solid amount of laughter. These are "keepers" and the rest needs work. You slowly sharpen the good jokes and expand upon them to stretch out the amount of funny material. Each performance helps the comedian adjust the material according to the audience response. Soon the handful of material increases to an armful of material. Then from an armful to a bagful and so on until the whole 5 minute set is 90% to 100% predictably funny.
Jerry Seinfeld, over the years in comedy clubs and then on television, amassed a ton of solid funny jokes that he could then rely on again and again. This is what the nucleus of his hit sitcom was built upon. The success of his television show "made" him the comedy giant he is known to be today.
(Whether you like his comedy or his show or not is besides the point.)

After retiring his television show he decided to go one better and let his "golden" comedy material go into retirement as well. It is at this point that the film, "Comedian" picks up. What does a comedy giant do to recapture the creative hunger he once had? Start at the beginning and write entirely new material that is untried and unproven. A scary and brave thing to do once you've established yourself at the level he had achieved. The film shows his insecurities and creative struggle to NOT rely on any of his gimmicks of the past.

Definitely a must see movie if you are interested in the comedy process and the comic mind. (I should state for the record that the film also follows an up and coming stand up comedian as a subplot, but I didn't care for this guy and this is my blog so he has no part of it. He doesn't ruin the film at least, but I digress.)

Check it out.
"Comedian" Jerry Seinfeld.

Greg Giraldo Rest in Comedy Heaven.

2010-09-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

When I got notice of Greg Giraldo dying I felt I had to write a few words out of respect. I will point out from the start that I have never met Greg, but he has won my respect following him over the years through his television appearances.
On the stand up circuit Greg has been active for many years, but it is his consistent delivery of killer material on the “Comedy Central Roasts” series that has built a following for him that continued to grow. The team of Jeffrey Ross and Greg Giraldo on any roast is the A-list of harsh comedy writing that makes every appearance one of the best anyone’s ever seen.
With a fearless attack on stereotypes, rumors, habits, and lies he has crafted some of the funniest harshest truthful material on the comedy scene.

Vintage Greg Giraldo:

“Larry the Cable Guy, this is exciting. I have never roasted a fake character before. Maybe next year we can roast Sponge Bob Square Pants…Larry, you gravy sweating cousin fucker.”
“Jeffrey Ross, how fat do you plan on getting? You’re like “The Curious Case of Benjamin Glutton.”
“Gregory Hamilton, you’re like “Tang”. You’re dry , you’re orange and nobody’s given a fuck about you since 1968.”

Greg represented the unapologetic raw commitment to a joke that is the breath of life in the ever increasing politically correct culture we are smothered by.
Let Greg Giraldo be remembered for his work.

“Hasselhoff, your liver is so shriveled, black, and dead if you put your ear to your side you can here it go, “What you talkin’ bout Willis.”

It was an honor to discover you BEFORE your death. Unlike Mitch Hedberg.

May you both rest in the eternal comedy heaven where everyone laughs at themselves and even harder at those around them.

The "Neo" writing device and my upcoming" Tell All" book!

2010-07-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

As coerced by the writing magazine, I researched and purchased a writing device called the “Neo” by Alpha Smart.
It is basically the writing version of the Kindle. Rather what the Kindle is to reading the Neo is to writing.
A simple dedicated device to output writing and not be distracted by the internet or social networking sites.
Just simple typing and either uploading into word processor of choice or directly plugging into printer and printing as a stand alone. This device runs on three AA batteries per year on average and weighs very little so I can take this solid little helper anywhere. The Neo has really multiplied my output. This is the first blog to be written on the device so we’ll see how easily it goes, but as far as writing lyrics and chapters the Neo is superb.

On a writing related note I have completed four chapters of my upcoming book about ME. My favorite subject! Publishers are already interested. Finally people can access the nitty gritty bizarre development of my life in ways that websites, Twitter, Facebook, You Tube, music, satire, and My Space status updates never could. Growing up as an undiagnosed hyper active child driven to entertain friends and family on car rides, in living rooms, and on small stages all over Maine and the Silicon Valley. Stories of religions and cults of the world! Sex magick Orders and blood sacrifices! Tales of voodoo rituals on tour with Cirque du Soleil as well as my time as a Christian evangelist in Los Angeles ending in a visit by the S.W.A.T team and a bomb destroying robot!
Noam Chomsky, Amazing Johnathan, Joey Buttafuco, and more!
Step right up and reserve YOUR copy! Choose your own alias for the book or I’ll choose one that is less flattering for you.
Coming to an Adult Superstore near YOU!

Look! Up in the sky...an aerialist flies!

2010-06-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

Pendulum Aerial Arts has been growing like an artistic snowball for the last fourteen years in the Portland area. Suzanne Kenney has worked to nurture this company from the ground up...er...sky down? None the less, this work is paying off and nothing is more representative of this blossoming than the company's upcoming show, "High Art: A Surreal Portrait of the Soul" coming August 19 thru the 22nd to The Portland Art Museum.

I just returned from Portland where I enjoyed a two week residency collaborating with Suzanne and the artists of Pendulum, as a director of Story and Character work. I learned a lot during my time in the Pacific Northwest. I discovered that you can create an incredible amount of material in a short amount of time, under the right circumstances. Those circumstances in this case were a serious group of young aerialists, contortionists, and acrobats ready to trust a clown and comedian in pushing their comfort levels as performers and challenging themselves with goofy exercises designed to access the creativity they don't regularly use in their chosen skill.

By the time I left we had a strong story line with a nice arc and some well defined characters. The venue for this show is incredible and if you are in Portland, this show is a "must see". While I was frequenting many of the restaurants in the downtown area there were so many people excited about Portland's own Cirque style show. Local communities really appreciate supporting their own and I am glad I could be a part of the fun!

Poetry.

2010-04-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Poetry is always there to replenish me when I need it.
It can be grabbed at any time and injected like a much needed medicine to a quaking man.
Charles Bukowski introduced me to the versatility of poetry. He was dead at the time, but he didn't seem to complain about it.
Regarding poetry, Bukowski once said in an interview (and I’ll have to paraphrase since I couldn’t find the correct track out of my albums of his work)….Poetry is a kind of fancified way to scream a little in a self indulgent style.

But that’s what’s nice about it. You discover different poets and their styles and you sort out a menu to your own tastes. How do you want to feel? Read and invoke that state.

My personal menu is: Bukowski, for real life grit and unflinching truth.
Kerouac, for a verbal rollercoaster that may or may not end when you get back to the boarding area and it may continue backwards or descend down through the floor to a whole new ride.
Rimbaud, whets my appetite for luscious passion and thick dark ruby red blood wine on the lips of my lady.
Sylvia Plath, can form verbal pops and truncated stops that are fun to read, like all great poetry, out loud.
Whitman paints great visions and Yeats offers light fare for mystic minds.
Pound is good in doses to be thought about later and Herman Melville’ s, “Moby Dick” is NOT poetry, but I swear it can be read aloud and eaten one bite at a time like a hearty meal and you’d swear it was poetry by the end.

So since, my friend pointed out that it’s National Poetry month, I thought I’d give the gift of referring some of my favorites so that they may be enjoyed by others.

I once performed on a reality television show, “Steve Harvey’s Big Time!” (on the notable network, “The WB”) competing for $10, 000. I was performing one of the variety acts we did in for the Crazy Horse, Paris. The shoot lasted all day and was exhausting. The attitude was degrading, as you would expect being “judged” by Pauly Shore. Our professional world renowned act ,which was the “taste” of festivals and shows in Europe, was being called, “The stupidest thing I’ve ever seen” by the dregs of circa 1990’s even 80’s television “personalities”.

At the shows peak, I was in the position to win the $10, 000, but I was exhausted, irritable, and consoling myself with the warm thought that EITHER I was about to win $10,000 OR I was about to be released back to my hotel room to regain my soul.

I was ousted by a man with firecrackers strapped to his chest and I celebrated my release by jumping down off the couch ( since I was a miniature Elvis Presley) and made my exit mouthing curse words and derogatory epithets against the successor and all witnesses laughing in all directions.

I was free and in much need for quality soul replenishment.
The town car drove me back to the beautiful hotel room at the Kodak Theater where they hold the Academy Awards every year, and I drank in the sweet filling meat of Jack Kerouac. Page for page as I read I was reminded of the beauty of life and it’s depth. And page for page I was baptized back into the real world. My contribution being degraded was just a night terror. Passing like a few dark clouds on a sunny day.
And poetry was there when I needed it most to remind me that I am more than any one project. Thanks poetry. You made me whole again.

Everyone's a Superstar in Little League!

2010-04-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

I read an interview with a father who just relocated his family from Texas to New York. His son is in the highest division of Little League and the parents attended a meeting to go over the upcoming season with the coaches. The voice on the phone with the father said, “What is your child’s skill level? So we know where to place him?”
“Isn’t there a draft?” his Texas accent marked him as an outsider already.
“No. We’ll go over all the details at the meeting this Wednesday night”.

Wednesday night the father was one of about two hundred parents in attendance to get the details of the new Little League season.
The one detail that stuck out he almost missed.

Wait, they are not going to keep track of standings for anybody’s record for the season. “What?” the father mumbled to himself and stood up at the Question and Answer session to clarify.

“Did I misunderstand? Did you say you’re not going to keep track of anyone’s standings for the season in the majors division?” he asked.
“Yes” the coach answered succinctly.
“Why?” he countered. “Like that’s my question, why?”
“We want to make sure at the end of the season that everyone all our teams are basically 500” he stated.

“Wait a minute…so your goal for everybody during the course of the year, for my son included, at the end of the year is total mediocrity? You want them all to be 500 at the end of the season? That’s the goal.”

“Well we don’t put it like that” the coach lobbed back.

“I’m sure your don’t, but that’s what your striving for, complete and utter mediocrity. Well, that’s what the playoffs are for. Who’s the regular season for? What are you doing all year by teaching them that competition is not important, that they shouldn’t be striving for excellence, that they’re supposed to get better?” he asked.

He looked around the room for one other parent to join in, in support, and no one moved. He was alone on this one. He is the outsider. In Texas they even keep track of the score during tee ball games! Tee ball. Where, in some states everyone hits a home run off the tee and if you strike out at first they let you stay on the base as to not hurt your feelings.

As I read this interview I couldn’t help thinking to myself.
What kind of world has been forming?
Was I the last generation to operate by “rules” and traditional “heartless” forces of logical competition and common sense?

And we wonder why our teenagers and twenty somethings grow up to be self-centered arrogant emasculated prigs? Tisk tisk, me thinks.
I can recall every spanking and discipline I received as a teenager and can honestly say, “Yep, I deserved that.” I was being loud and disrespectful thinking I was funny and I virtually asked for the consequences I received.
And I grew from them.
I needed to be pushed to take responsibility for my own actions.
And I have.

"Another round of goat's milk, garcon!"

2010-04-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of great places to buy fresh vegetables and meat for the table with a strong discount compared to the grocery stores in our area. Pittsburgh's cost of living is reasonable and the surrounding farms bring in fresh food of all kinds making living here all the more pleasurable.

My fiance has a treasure map of locations with the freshest foods at the lowest cost. You just have to know what to get. And where. In order to maximize the savings.
Meat can be procured just out of town by a butcher that is supplied by the local farms. The Co-op, five minutes from our home, has great herbs and seasonings of all kinds including "Thai" and "Jamaican" which I swear can be used in place of agent orange for chemical warfare by taking your breath away once exposed to the air and imbedding microscopic pepper powder down your throat causing you or anyone else who passes down the store aisle to cough and sneeze for minutes on end. But when rubbed into vegetables or meat..c'est magnifique!!
We have Farmers' Markets all over Pittsburgh where you can get goat cheese, goat milk, as well as homemade jellies from the Amish farmers who bring them in from their farms in rural Pennsylvania. There's also great veggies, so crisp and fresh they are like eating your way through a vegan version of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory gone Amazon forest style! Crunchy giant carrots and fresh plump tomatoes. Chris has been randomly picking untried vegetables and learning how to throw them together and serve them up with an assortment of presentational formats.

She's been cooking everything from scratch using the ingredients from our city wide treasure hunt.
Fresh carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Raw veggies from the farms. Organic teas.

We are even taking a class with "Grow Pittsburgh" http://www.growpittsburgh.org/growpittsburgh/
and learning to garden our own food in our backyard. I didn't know that there were so many ways to grow food. Even if you live in an apartment complex!

Now that the pantry is full and so are our bellies...we can focus on creating the projects we want and the life we want to live.
"Another round of goat's milk, garcon! Merci."

An Acidic Astral Waterworld?

2010-04-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

A lot of my dreams involve my work.
The nightmare is usually stressful and drawn out.
Horrifying in a completely mundane and repetitious way.

When I worked for Crazy Horse, Paris at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas,the reoccurring dream was getting through the never ending people and casinos to get to my show on time to perform. This would repeat , but my dream self would never get wise to the fact it was just a dream and stress out every time.

The last three nights have progressed from tedious to absurd.
Dream One: “The Touring” nightmare- Waiting for the elevator on luggage day , but there are only two elevators and everyone else is already done packing and I haven’t started yet.

Dream Two: I have to go onstage in a few minutes and I have little make-up, no hat ,and no shoes , but…I think I can pull it off….

And last night, Dream Three: Hanging out at an apartment and I’m led out to a bar where people are chugging beer in a dark room laughing with music and I go into the restroom (washroom for you Canadians) and it is customized with a lot of black stone urinals of all shapes and sizes and my friends are doing urine tricks peeing in two or three different directions like an acidic warm water show as might be seen at an old “Bullwinkles” restaurant in Santa Clara, California or the Bellagio fountain symphony in Las Vegas.
I tried to tune out the mist filled air and find a private place to finish my business.

Everyone one of these dreams had more than twenty people from KOOZA in them.

THE MORAL TO THE STORY: Living, traveling, working, eating, partying, and surviving on tour the last three years with a couple hundred people makes an impression on you as a full organism. You can shake it off daily, but you have to admire the levels of subconscious experience that the brain has undergone the last few years. You can move forward in your daily life, but there may be tracers and flashbacks that surface unexpectedly.
And as Randy Quaid said in “National Lampoons’Christmas Vacation” when the dog was humping his leg, “It’s best to just let’em finish”.

"Watchmen"...what a pile.

2010-04-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

The good thing about NOT seeing any movies over the last four years on tour with Cirque du Soleil is that now that I am off tour I can rent the movies at the library. One film I wanted to see was "Watchmen" based on the graphic novel.
When it was about to be released there was great anticipation. A slew of graphic novels turned cinema have had great success over the years. "Sin City" being one of my favorites. ( I also like to stay current with pop culture references to use in my improvisation as needed. Maybe I can throw in a reference or two that will make a head turn or get a savvy chuckle.)

"Watchmen" was annoying from early on in the film.
The overkill use of cliche music from the era started becoming more offensive as the movie trotted on. But I guess you need to beat people over the head so they know what time frame the film takes place in.

The main offense?
I hate movies that introduce characters late in the film. "Watchmen" is a never ending character introduction through the whole thing.
"But, Christian..." critic says in a tiny voice "you need to learn who the characters of the "Watchmen" superhero group are to understand the story." Yes, I do Captain Obvious, but there are many ways to do that without starting the whole story from the beginning over and over again! This is this hero and here's how he was created. This is this guy and he suffered this tragedy and now he can do this cool stuff...sheesh. A lot of films introduce multiple characters by putting them all in a situation which shows what they're about and we move on! Not in "Watchmen" though! Nope.
It's a bunch of mini-bio documentary pieces slapped together with a pop music through line and the ever over used nuclear war threat. (Which looking at daily news headlines...won't be going anywhere soon in entertainment mediums.)

Thankfully they spared the back stories of three of the remaining "Watchmen" to get on with the movie.

I haven't read the graphic novel ( I tried, but fiction is a struggle for my ADHD to get through) ,but the film has scenes taken directly from Science Fiction successes, Robert Heinlien's "Stranger in a Strange land" to "The Matrix".

And finally...it all comes down to the omnipotent "Dr. Manhattan", an emo nuclear superhero who can do anything in the world except NOT be a big passive aggressive wussy. And "Adrian" , a metro sexual brainiac who flaunts his intellectual superiority like a Level 200 Dungeons and Dragons Master at a POG convention in 1993 because unlike his POG conventioneers, HE has statistical skills honed from years in his parents basement drinking Jolt and eating pizza hut.

So Nuclear Emo and Metro Faux Hawk get into a slap fight and Faux Hawk reasons with Emo about the logic behind his plan so he can save his silky smooth skin from being harshly a braised in a fight.

Finale? Humans are stupid and can’t be trusted to decide the fate of their own planet so we will kill a million to save a billion. At least Rorschach kept his integrity.

The esoteric meaning of, "See ya later chumps!"

2010-04-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in my "Hemmingway" gazebo on a wicker chair enjoying the balmy breeze of PIttsburgh sipping a mojito waiting to take in a movie in my living room, I think about the fact that in my old job I would be doing a great amount of work and sweating today...for no money.

In tribute to my fellow Kooza comrades, I will abstain from bringing in an income today and try my best to rest as much as possible unencumbered by pads for the knees or maquillage for the face.

Let my cosmetic-less cosmogony cast off the debasement of my bodily form and bring me face to face with the macrocosmic peace that resoundingly shouts to all limitations, "See ya later chumps!"

With that I bid you, "Merde!" and broken legs.

What's a "Shriner"?

2010-04-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

Some people have seen Shriners in parades driving tiny cars or wearing their emblem the red fez hat which makes them noticeable in any situation, but many do not know the origins of this fraternity.

In 1870 a group of Freemasons in Manhattan, NY would meet for lunch and fellowship. They formed a club dedicated to fun and fraternity to balance the austere work of self advancement performed in the Masonic Lodge. They took it upon themselves to collect money and donate it to a charitable cause. In time they wanted their own organization to focus their funds into to help children in need of medical operations. Children born with clef lips, spinal problems, and those harmed in burns are all given the opportunity to live a more full life through medical enhancement and surgeries paid for by the Shriners of North America.

My introduction to this great fraternity came after I had already been active in Freemasonry for seven years. I was initiated through the "Hot Sands" Ceremonial in the particularly hot sanded Las Vegas, Nevada in 2005. I donated my time in the day on weekends to getting the word out for the Shrine by performing in the parades in the local Vegas community and also entertaining children at the clinics to be diagnosed for treatment at one of the Shrine hospitals.
These clinics were challenge because of the varied emotions swimming around the doctors offices during diagnosis. Emotions run high, but spending one on one time with the children doing magic tricks and teaching them to juggle keeps their minds off the stress and uncertainty of such a serious condition. The parents enjoy the mood being lightened as well and it takes some of the heavy load off their shoulders. It is intense though. Seeing the bright positivity in the eyes of a five year old who has had her face, literally melted, is a difficult audience to make laugh no matter your experience level. You want to cry yourself , but you are there to help the rest of the people NOT be emotional. It is a difficult balance, but well worth the effort and time.

Being back in a community like Pittsburgh allows me to enjoy the reciprocation the Shrine offers the world and I love it!

(Incidentally, my hat in KOOZA is a small yellow fez which I suggested. I tried to make a small red fez in 2005 for the parades with the Shriners , but alas my crafting efforts were all for naught. In 2007 the hat was finally done correctly except for the color, but that's okay the idea is there and it was created as a literal, "hat tip" to the Shriner organization.)

Crystal Penis is Energized by Swami for Easter.

2010-04-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Today we made a pilgrimage to the mountains of West Sunbury in Pennsylvania and witnessed the consecration of a shiva lingam by a Swami from Mysore, India. His name is Sri Ganapathy Sachchidananda Swamiji and he makes this tour through North America once a year. He is a great Sage who is world-renowned for mystical music compositions as well as for uplifting humanity through Healing and Meditation concerts. This years event was attended by devotees from Ontario, Canada, New Jersey, New York, Alabama, North Carolina,

We got to the retreat center just before Swamiji arrived and immediately performed a wedding for some of his disciples. Then he blessed the sacred rock and proceeded into the temple to perform the energization ceremony of the shiva lingam (crystal penis). Why a phallic crystal? To symbolize consciousness in its primordial form; the eternal energy from which all creation emerges. This symbolic oval shape is a reminder of the underlying, unifying force of all creation, without beginning or end. Since God/Source Energy/Brahma/Allah is everywhere present, then God is inherent within all, including rocks, nature and naturally within the rare gift of the crystal Shiva Lingam.

We chanted "Om Na Shivaya" with hundreds of Swamiji's disciples and received blessings from this Master from Mysore.
I tried to get a few pictures, but the iPhone is not ideal for long range photography. Zoom ins and cropping paid off in the end.

The children did a wonderful short performance opulently dressed as deities and demi gods from Hindu lore. My favorites were Krishna and Radha as well as a small hyper active child acting like a menacing Kali. Kids put red ink on their hands to represent blood from the battles documented in such classic Vedic texts as the Mahabhrata.

People pounded plentiful platefuls of prasadam/
And ate cake created and baked-
A lot of flour was devoured.
(That's what happens when you mix a metaphysical day and Kool Keith on earphones...and you're a rap artist and blogging.)

We touched the crystal shiva lingam and received turmeric roots to fight skin diseases! Woo hoo!

All in all fun times in the mountains with crystal phalluses and great people.

Happy Easter!

http://www.dattaretreatcenter.org/

"I live in a "dry" city?"

2010-04-02T13:39:00.001-07:00

"Is this a joke?", I ask myself.
Is this possible? It seems legit.

Of all the places I could have moved. I moved from Las Vegas to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Las Vegas. Sin City. Where what happens stays.
And I moved to the borough of Wilkinsburg in the city of Pittsburgh in the state of Pennsylvania.

How can this be a "dry" city? I can cross the street and drink at four or five pubs ON MY WAY to the beer store at the corner. It’s not a “dry” city. It’s a “dry” borough.
“What the heck is a borough?” I grew up in California. We don’t have boroughs.
I thought a “borough” was a nickname for a part of town like, “Polish hill” or “Chinatown”.
Not so….poor niave, Christian.

A borough can be many things to many countries or areas. My borough, Wilkinsburg, has it’s own government and laws which in this case includes a restriction against bars.

When you cross the street from my house you are in the city of Pittsburgh.
I reside in the borough of Wilkinsburg by a few feet.
Wilkinsburg has been alcohol free since 1871 when it separated from Pittsburgh to maintain religious integrity. It took the name, “The Holy City” and declared that no bars would be allowed within borough limits.

So let me get this straight:

My name is Christian. I live in “The Holy City”.
My house number is equivalent to “Satan” in Hebrew Numerology.

A perfect balance of light and dark. Yin and Yang. City and borough.

Learn more about where YOU live at the following website! http://www.city-data.com
Maybe you live in a dry borough too and we can be booze free borough buddies.

2010-03-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well, the excitement of my final day is behind me and I enjoyed a relaxing day of downtime today.

How was my plan executed after my blog on Sunday? I leapt into the day with full force arriving hours early to formulate my plan for the attack upon the two shows. "Chaos should be pre-planned to maximize implementation." I warned the questioning eyes scoping the paper I was sketching upon.

I had two shows and many "open spots" to inject improvisation and/or "quotes" or references. I wanted to use every opportunity.
The first show, a matinee with 50% of the venue filled, was a lower than lackluster family audience which I ignored (rightfully so judging by their attitude or lack thereof) in order to WILL them through my version of KOOZA. I hit my marks and had a great time offering my co-workers a "who's who" of references from the beginning of the show. Some references even preceded our soft opening in April 2007 and took the one person in the audience who would know the reference, back to November 2006 and our cabaret at the Lion D'or in Montreal.

I cleaned my loge (fancy for make-up table that folds up) and jumped into the second show. This show, I had the honor of the presence Joshua Zehner (co-creator with me from the original trio). His attendance was a real charge of fun for me and helped put a stamp on the exit of the final original clown of KOOZA. My wonderful lady was also there to say,"Farewell" to the show which was a challenge to see through, as touring is always a complicated manner when family and relationships can become strained very quickly under the pressures of even the "simplest" things on tour.

That final show I relaxed and let go and just had a great time. Drinking in every moment with my co-workers, artists and crew all. I had been nervously teary eyed thinking of what my final show would be like over the last year, but the real moment that grabbed me unexpectedly was when the band was taking their bow and they all looked at me and did my trademark thumbs up/ nervous smile , "Eh!". This made me teary and fast!

I did my best and saw the rest of the ritual rite of passage through. Receiving my official farewell flower bouquet and custom picture of the cast and crew of KOOZA. Everyone was so warm and kind both on the internet (if they were away) and in person at the tent. Those sentiments will burn warmly in my heart forever.

We broke down the insides of the artistic tent for tear down and we all went our individual ways with my before pre-show ritual chant echoing in the Del Mar parking lot: "See you later chumps!"
And this time it was for real.

Kooza standoff! The final chapter.

2010-03-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

Usually I write my blog about the previous day. This time...all eyes are ahead.
Today is my final day with my show KOOZA and sleeping was restless last night. I awoke early thinking of promises I made to people and seeing them through at the last minute.

I have more to follow up on, so I will make this blog brief as well, but here's my plan for the day.

I have coined the term, "Satisfactory Sunday" to denote, as an artist, pulling all of the energy that's left from a 9-10 show week and harnessing it UP to a satisfactory level for the last two shows of the week. As artists of Cirque du Soleil, we are not only skilled to a world class level, but expected to put out the most energy we can on a consistent basis. Again and again. Past the point of exhaustion and beyond a normal performers comfort zone. This has made me stronger and inspires me for the future...but NOT the point I am making now.

Today I will not be doing a "Satisfactory" job. I will do a "Satis-FYING" job. Because for me, I do nothing half assed. And I intend to see this thing through to the end and go out full bore on my own terms. This job has been blood, passion, tears, laughs, tears, exhaustion, and beyond. Today will be as fun as I create it to be.

Improvisation. No holds barred. And sharing time with a great team of individuals who have been here all along.

Let "Satisfying Sunday" begin!

My final "Date Night" with KOOZA!

2010-03-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday marked my final "Date Night" performance with KOOZA. I spent the day with a strengthening performance choice. Last month I did the pre-show with only the help of a ticket. Let me explain. The "Obnoxious American Tourist" character has five different props. What I found over the last few years since creating this character in 2007 (2006 really cause most of the work was done in my audition in March 2006).

More props = More material easily utilized in creating a scene.

Less props = More need to improvise and actually create with less.

Doing the pre-show with only a ticket requires more effort than a cell phone and camera to distract and use to get out of situations etc.

Yesterday I did both pre-shows using zero props improvising all material. Result? I was more engaged with the audience around me and the other performers because I couldn't hide in the props. (My co-hort Jimmy pointed this out.)
Other goals I've had in the past during pre-show?

1) Cross the whole tent in the second to the last row from one end to the other. Check.
2) Avoid spot light operators from noticing me for as long as possible. Check.
3) Push aggressive guest as far as I can to stand up for myself as a comedian and let him know he's in MY house. Check.

And my usual goal...annoy as many persnickety senior citizens as possible. Double check.

And for my last Clown Magic I lap danced a nun sitting next to a priest. Check.

A large portion of both clown acts was spent by me trying to mess with the sound guy as well.
Can you feel the love?
I can.

2 shows to go!

Keep it KOOZA.

Michael's "All American Day!"

2010-03-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

After our success in showing our Swedish friend Tijuana, "How could we follow it up?" we thought to ourselves. What else could we offer to show the experience of America? Granted Michael has been on tour throughout the U.S on and off since 2007,but sometimes touring life leaves details of real life out of the mix.

"Guns!" we gleefully exclaimed. There are few guns in Sweden and arms of the pistol/handgun variety are often banned because they are not used in hunting for food.

With that we told Michael we would take him on an "All American Adventure" the following day and he immediately got excited about what we may have in store for him. We met up at high noon and hopped onto our trusty white steed (in this case a rental Dodge Caliber). Reading the wind and tracing tracks, as our ancestors may have in the old west, we made our way to Walmart an American treasure of infamous reputation like that of and Wild Bill Hickock. Rushing to the hunting and fishing section we were disappointed to find there were no 9mm cartridges. Only 12 gauge shotgun shells.

To the gun store! Michael appeared wide eyed over the glass counter containing all manor of handgun machinery. 9mm,357 magnums, 22 Colts, and mini little purse guns from the 30's and 40's which particularly held his attention. Sure they only hold five bullets, but it would fit in a clown nose. We pointed out the selection of pistol grip shotguns and wicked looking black rifles and pulled him out the door, ammo in hand, for our next destination.

The "Amercian Shooting Center Indoor Range" would be the setting for the mountaintop initiation of our Swedish brother.
Visibly nervous about what to expect, Michael was quickly given a quick interview by me for my video camera and we made our way up to the counter to order our firearm. The Glock 17: a 9 millimeter gun would be the perfect guru for our experience. This 9mm handgun is common in law enforcement as well as criminal activity and would therefore be a splendid balance of the forces of light and dark for our adventure ahead.

The woman behind the counter was very excited to hear we had brought a Swedish person to experience the feeling of self defense and power related to gun ownership and the fun of shooting practice. Eye protection in place and ear covered we made our way through the sound locking chamber into the shooting area itself. I placed the paper target and showed Michael how to load the clip and take aim. Shots echoed throughout the building from all of the other lanes, which were full this day.
In no time at all this entertainer who had never really SEEN a gun much less fired one, was shooting with accuracy and breathing deep the sensation of strength and adrenaline which accompanies a great day at the shooting range.

(For the record Michael likes to shoot in the heart whereas I am more of a head man myself.)

No time to rest on our laurels now! We headed to our next location. Bowling!
Yes, I know bowling is not distinctively American, but the iconic stereotype of a pudgy white American couple in matching shirts, pants, and shoes drinking beer suitably fills our needs for the day.

Michael introduced us to a strange technique of bowling where he runs down towards the line and eventually falls sliding on his chest down the lane releasing the ball at the last second. ( I am still not sure this is an actual Swedish technique or just the effect of mixing adrenaline from shooting firearms with alcohol and bowling balls.) We each got a few strikes and returned to our habitation for more pizza and beer capping off our wonderful day.

It can be summarized as spoken by Michael himself: "Today I learned that shooting a gun is just like bowling except the ball is smaller and (I added) you aim for a piece of paper that looks like a human as opposed to small pins."

Tijuana, Mexico 2010

2010-03-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been to Tijuana since 1998. Today I went with my girl and Michael the pickpocket from KOOZA. I remember walking over the border and having food and beers and buying leather beer holsters and seeing how dirty everything was.

Today our goal was relaxation and the joy of introducing an entertainer from Sweden to a California classic: TJ.
Now Monday is not the "party day" for twenty somethings to guzzle tequila and hit the strip clubs and the whole beheading on the Texas border has people skittish. But really. What has ever happened in Tijuana? More Mexican drug wars happen in Arizona than in Mexico!

Everyone will be happy to know TJ is the same. Monday was quiet.
It's hard to NOT look like you don't know where you're going when you are the only backpack wearing Caucasians on the streets and every street vendor is beguiling you with sunglasses and pictures of Homer Simpson as Scarface.

The first thing our Swedish friend noticed was how "interactive" the vendors and restaurant hawkers were in getting our attention to turn us into their shops.

"Come on in! We have all kinds of things you don't need."

I recommended Michael to pretend he's in a virtual reality video game where he entered his personal info and even the taxis pull over and say, "Hey want a ride amigos?" We found a nice place (attached to a hotel) so it MUST be healthier!
The only thing repelling me from this nice place was the blaring mariachis who seemed to be torturing a small family by the looks on the family's faces. We chose health over auditory relaxation and then spent the duration of our time banishing would be entertainers with a firm, but kind, "No musica. Gracias."

We had a delicious meal and many margaritas (of low alcohol content) for a nominal fee.
After our meal we took a pleasant walk around the neighborhood and the less tourist driven areas where we were able to buy some curios and yummy Mexican Coca-Cola which tastes sweeter than that in the U.S.
And we soon made our way past the tequila deals, Sombrero Porky Pigs, and Viagra vendors back to the border. I must say TJ is cleaner now than it was years ago. We probably saw five other Americans in the downtown area itself.
We did have to wait in line for Michael's I-94 to be replaced by a nice border agent behind the counter whose main question to Michael after knowing he's an international entertainer was, "Do you know any jokes?" (This made me think of memorizing a horrendously offensive joke to use only on airplanes when someone inevitably says, "You're a comedian...tell me a joke!")

After the nicest border agent got us through to the next level the final checkpoint person asked complicated questions to me like ,"What do you get with V.I.P tickets for Cirque du Soleil?". Answering that we were back in U.S.

"It's so nice to be back on this side." Michael said.
Mission accomplished.
Our friend was given the great TJ experience and we had a relaxing time.

TJ was fine, but now that we have to wait in a security line like at an airport it is NOT the care free drinking and party place that it once was. Worth the trip? Only if you're taking a Swede.

"Tweet with Cirque du Soleil, beware of the Clowns"

2010-03-19T11:58:00.001-07:00

(This is a repost from Twittamentary.com the Twitter site dedicated to the upcoming film about Twitter.)

People come to see my show with Cirque du Soleil, "KOOZA" and they Tweet before,during, at intermission, and afterwards. I am one of the three clowns in the show and we often read what people are Tweeting about the show for a laugh. The show is phenomenal so most comments are positive. We also use audience members in our act and our volunteers sometimes tweet their experience or post pictures on Twitter.
It's weird, to me, randomly picking a person out of 2,500 people and when you've sent them back to their seats and the show has finished, reading their Tweets or knowing their names! (I'm still adjusting to this- I like the anonymity..)
Recently someone who was watching the show put up on Twitter how incredible it was during the show. We read it and saw his other Tweets were entertaining and passed it around.
This guy has a small group of friends, (under 30 followers) obviously close friends from school, and now he has opened himself up to a huge network of circus performers and artists only because he typed something about the show. In some cases people don't "Follow" you they just read what you write by bookmarking your page. (So be-careful what you posting to an "intimate" group...because with Twitter the world may be watching.
By the way, in the second act of the show in the clown act I quoted one of his funny Tweets word for word at a silent moment in the act. I still wonder if that one random guy heard my direct interaction for him out of 2,500 people watching that night. Truly interactive technology and state of the art comedy.

"Skill of the day"

2010-03-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been choosing one skill a day to work on or try to learn. You Tube is very helpful for this practice.
This can be as simple as learning to tie a strange knot (which I know sounds like a barrel of fun) or twirling a hat which can always be used to attract the victim of your love. (Note the word,"hat" not "cat". Twirling a cat may attract the wrong KIND of person. Practice with discretion.)

Origami roses are useful. Or making Alexander Hamilton appear to be smiling or frowning on a $20 bill (as taught to me by Portugese Magician and Balloon Artist, Sebastian Ricou). A friend from my high school recently told me she still remembers the bouquet of balloon flowers I made her for her birthday almost twenty years ago.

These little skills are flourishes to add to any situation for quirky fun or used in theatrical productions to add a nuance to any scene or character.

FACT: The reason people enjoy great actors like Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando are the choices they make. The strange non sequitur choices that should not normally go together ,but feel so right. Like deep fried Twinkies or those salty sweet chili powder candies from mexico which I definitely DON"T have a taste for. Small tricks and parlour flourishes of all kinds enhance life whether it's lived on film, onstage, or on the stage of life.

Pick a small skill and try it out for yourself.

Business instead of pleasure.

2010-03-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

(Picture above is Guy Laliberte, Cirque du Soleil owner not the President of Cirque.)

Missed blogging the last couple days due to work. Between rehearsals and visits from Cirque du Soleil management types like the President of Cirque today, little time for blogging and any internet presence. We have also been training my replacement to go into the show this weekend so relaxation and privileges like blogging will have to wait.

FYI: The annual President's meeting went well and sushi was served in the kitchen. It was delicious.

The only relaxation I seem to get now a days seems to come from the brief minutes during the show when I can read Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol" on my Kindle. A great read and cinematically written. His writing keeps improving with each book. Very nice.

It was nice having a check in from Cirque owner, Guy Laliberte, now that he has returned from space and is watching his shows closely. We had great show tonight with an audience volunteer who looked like a cartoonish version of Ronald Reagan. The President seemed to enjoy it and told me he wishes me all the best in the future and we'll stay in touch. I feel good about the future.

Hell of a ride.

"High Art". A fresh canvas.

2010-03-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Wielding the fiery energy of the wand, I will begin painting upon a fresh canvas with a residency in union with Pendulum Dance Theater in Portland, Oregon. I will be at the helm of all things story and character oriented crafting the through line of this wonderfully diverse show, "High Art: A Surreal Portrait of the Soul"

http://www.pendulumdancetheatre.org

Pendulum's multidisciplinary work has been revered for the last decade within the Portland artistic performance arena.

In association with the Portland Art Museum: http://portlandartmuseum.org the show, "High Art: A Surreal Portrait of the Soul" http://www.pendulumdancetheatre.org/perf. with incredible composer Sasha Lazard http://www.sashalazard.com/index. and world renowned drummer Ya'el http://www.drumaddict.net/about.html will conspire with us to manifest an intense offering into the nuanced depths of the soul.

So many talents swirled together in this intense creation it promises to astonish while activating an uncanny rapport with artists and audience linked by the umbilical of human experience.

Let the journey begin!

San Diego weather.

2010-03-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have new appreciation for warm clothes and resting at times in a chair.
San Diego, California has given this wonderful gift. (Realistically "San Diego" is probably only responsible for one of these gifts the other is a heavy work schedule and natural mortality)

I used to look out the window and see the sun shining bright and think to myself, "Hey, what a great day to wear a short sleeved shirt and shorts! It IS a beach community." Oh how wrong I was. Soon cold breezes scraped against my body while my friend the sun is hiding like a wussy behind the clouds sniggering at my discomfort and ill prepared bodily protection in the form of textiles used to keep my flesh that much further from elements that conspire to turn my mind against myself.

Not anymore! Trust, suitably broken.
I layer myself like a yeti senior citizen and get mocked by local school children as they pass.
But mine will be the last laugh. For they know not that this is a DEAD END STREET!

Wear a sweater!
(And neck tie if one is feeling fancy.)

2010-03-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

Meth Tweekers Should not work at Rental Car companies.

END OF POST FOR DAY, DUE TO CRAZY LADY EXHAUSTION

Twanks! ( A tribute to Twitter)

2010-03-13T11:56:00.000-08:00

Simplicity.

2010-03-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

The greatest comedy or variety acts have one thing in common: simplicity. This simplicity makes it so that you can't remember what was so funny about that Bill Cosby sketch about going to the dentist, but you know it was hysterical. You can watch a great stand-up comedian and laugh your eyes out of your head ,but you rarely can quote the act let alone deliver what was funny about the joke in retelling it. Leave this to the professionals!

Anyone can put on a rainbow wig, but that wig will not make people laugh. ( In some cases it will get injured.)
David Shiner said that he didn't want "clowns" for the creation of Kooza, he wanted funny people and they can learn to do make-up. Even within the show we clowns look the least like "CLOWNS" and the rest of the acrobatic troupe have more clown make-up qualities.

Simplicity. Less make-up more content.
In most cases you CAN"T describe what a great act was about. And when you try...you fail.
Simplicity is so simple its complex.

Best not to think about it.
Just let it do its thing.

What's next, Christian?

2010-03-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

Now that most of the morning was spent sending back virtual drinks sent to me on Facebook...I have to start to make a real dent in the day.

So let's get this clear...I have 17 days left at "KOOZA". (I'm not counting down the shows because I'm not in a hurry to leave, I want to appreciate my time and each show is "one more precious jewel"...to harass,annoy, and entertain people in the San Diego area.)

But what's the next step for you,Christian?

Number One: I will be freelancing from my newly purchased (Dec.2008) home in Pittsburgh,PA booking private engagements and working "smarter". Less hours of falling on the floor screaming and more hours enjoying my family and the lack of exhausting physical performance.

Number Two: I am being hired by some great eclectic companies to do some Creative Director work in charge of stories and character development. (More on these when appropro.)

Number Three: I'm working towards doing more European gigs traveling with my lady on our own terms.

My time with "KOOZA" has been undefinable.
An incredible experience and now it is time to savor the day and seize the time to create the world I know is possible with the woman I love.

Cheers!

A breath of fresh air!

2010-03-10T13:05:00.000-08:00

I am cleaning up superfluous web garbage I have been collecting for years as I move on to the next level of my career.
It feels good to cleanse and move forward!

This blog will now focus on all of the crazy fun things as I transition from my life on tour in Cirque du Soleil's "KOOZA" as the last original clown of the trio to my new prospects in Pennsylvania and worldwide. Exciting times to be in the entertainment industry.

Join me for the "touching conclusion" of my time with my creative baby, "KOOZA".

Cheers!

TSUNAMI?

2010-02-27T12:20:00.000-08:00

12:07pm La Jolla, California.

http://www.delmar.ca.us/News/Pages/ATSUNAMIADVISORY.aspxhttp://www.delmar.ca.us/News/Pages/ATSUNAMIADVISORY.aspx

So here I sit watching television coverage of the devastating Chile earthquake and the "Tsunami watch" and I realize I am in the coastal community of San Diego specifically La Jolla. The show I'm in is in Del Mar technically a ravine between two mountains off the coast of the Del Mar beach.

What to do in a tsunami DOES NOT cover go to work in a circus tent in a ravine off the coast from a tragic earthquake.
Especially 29 days away from my "retirement" from the show as this is the last city for me.

What will happen? Hard to say. The map on the news only shows Hawaii THEN San Diego. We'll see.

Take this opportunity to listen to my song, "Elements" for the full impact.

Chorus: "Waves may swell storms may crash. Swarming tsunamis steadily drop volcanic ash. Flash floods and strong winds cause an avalanche, but natural disasters can't match my rabid aftermath."

2010-01-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well the spell of non-productivity is behind me and it's a New Year of creating and doing.
I am up in Montreal, Quebec at the headquarters of Cirque du Soleil recreating and networking. Great resources and friends here. Had the ability to focus on music for a bit and now I'm headed back to work and have to focus on money and see what music bubbles during the transition. We'll see.

Until then, "I'm back."

2009-12-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings Co-Inhabitors of Earth and Beyond!

The driving all over and collecting libations and ritual supplies is over. It's time to ring in the New Year!

"Another one in the shitter"- as I say at work after another great show with "KOOZA". And this has been one dynamic year for me. I've met great people in many cities all across the United States. Seen cities I'd live in and others I never want to return to. Hung out with Duff Goldman of "Ace of Cakes", befriended Shrine clowns and police officers in Atlanta that taught my girl and I how to use a fogger to choke the life out of anyone threatening, played some memorable shows in Baltimore and New York rockin that Thelemic hip hop to new peeps in every region, learned a lot from "Doc" John Deems and the Magic Mafia of Minneapolis, and got killer reviews from the New York Times, Time, and Variety (see

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendId=21048757

Oh and I've released a diverse catalog of music: "Elements", "I'm not a Nazi", "Nog", "I'm Comin' for You!", and most recently, "Twanks!"( with accompanying video ).

And Created unreleased tracks for the upcoming , "Mystic Haze" collab with Pcd_FAdeD and O-Dog.

It's an exciting world so do something different, do something creative, but overall just do something!

Why I do this.

2009-07-25T23:33:00.001-07:00

I have been writing music and lyrics since about 1991.
Over the years I have branched out to many genres and venues and grown incredibly.
Off Broadway Shakespeare adaptations, Dante's "Purgatory" adaptation complete, and even Cirque du Soleil collaborations with Jean Francois Cote( composer of "KOOZA" and other Cirque shows.) I've had the opportunity to branch out to many different demographics, but my focus still remains as it has always been focused upon. Those who share a similar interest as me. My hip hop is as, one of my favorite writers, Charles Bukowski, says about his prose poetry, "A passionate, pleasurable, selfish nice form where you can scream a little bit."

Thanks for consuming!

"Titus!"

2009-07-17T08:09:00.001-07:00

I added my song "Titus!" back up on the page to change things up a bit. www.myspace.com/scholar
Back in 2004 I was approached by an off-Broadway Theater Company to write and produce a hip hop version of the Goth boys and the Moor's scene in which they plot to rape Lavinia. They wanted it in the style of the Beastie Boys so I had to vocally embody three different characters and the actors had to study my recording to learn their individual parts for live performance. (Hence the pitch shifting.)

"Titus!" appeared off-Broadway late in 2004 to great success and I can check off my goal list re-arranging and transliterating Shakespeare into hip hop.

I hope you enjoy this strange little ditty.

Elements of real life.

2009-07-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

Walking back from buying a coffee at the closest barrista stand you decide to walk under the willow trees by the ornamental fountain and soak in a little city nature. There are people out and about on this Saturday morning. One man, a bike rider, has his t-shirt off and is sitting in the lotus position meditating on the concrete brim of a big flowing fountain. He is balancing his elements. One man is walking listening to his iPod mumbling the lyrics of a song referring to the challenge of controlling internal elements. There is a woman casually walking around taking pictures and framing shots of flowers and plants and the river close by. As you walk you notice a man on the ground in front another man sitting on a bench. Homeless? Perhaps.

Standing looking at water shooting from the ground into the air and falling back into a surrounding pool you suddenly feel a person standing to your left. Who is he and why are you being approached? He speaks broken english with an almost Thai or Philippine accent. A quick scan of his person shows that he has a seemingly clean unwrinkled dress shirt and pants with a baseball hat that says, "Polo".

"The man...he was drunk and they beat his legs and he not moving. They beat him bad cause he drunk and he needs a hospital or the police....do you have a cell phone? He's over there." He points to where he was sitting on the bench. If you say yes you have a cell phone you could be robbed. Why doesn't this guy go over to the hotel across the street or one of the nearby restaurants and have them call the police? Is this a setup, you ask yourself. You can just disregard him and walk away now and all he'll be is a forgotten rambling street person. But what if the man does need help.
Will you be telling this story to someone later ending with, "I guess I deserved to be robbed for getting myself involved in the first place."

Screw it.
You're supposed to have taken oaths to better yourself and others in this incarnation, but that doesn't mean you're a chump.

Game face on. All senses alert you walk as the man leads you over to the enclosed area where the unconscious guy is lying in the sun on the ground. "He not moving" your guide/con artist/concerned human says. He's not moving, but his forearms are vertically frozen while the rest of him is supine. He's got denim pants which are pulled up and his calves are visible.
There is no blood anywhere. Is this a setup? Is the man behind you going to grab you while the man on the ground jumps at you and sweeps your legs for them to rob you? There's no blood.

He looks drunk and he's breathing. The slight opening of his eyes almost reveal what may be brown eyeballs glazed over. The sound of feet walking up behind you. Two men are approaching and one says,"We should move him off the ground or the police will be all over us." Reinforcements for taking you out? Now one attacker/ concerned citizen has grown into three. Out numbered. Take stock of pockets and contents. All there.
"Let's pick him up and get him on a bench where he can sleep without drawing a lot of attention."
"Okay", you say and everyone gets in position to lift this guy up. "One, two, three..."
The sleeping man moans in pain or confusion as he is set up on the bench.
Check pocket contents again. Still there.
"There" the one talking guy says,"Now he can rest without the cops coming over here and harassing all of us."
You pick up your paper coffee cup from the ground and start to step away. "Thanks for your help" the talker says. "No problem" you say and all parties wander in their own directions.

What a messed up world that you can't help people anymore with an open concern. You never know who is seriously in need of assistance and who is running a scam. Two men are fighting. Which one is the attacker and which one is the attacked? Is it self defense or robbery? No telling, so you do nothing.

All you can do is try see all elements as they are and judge each situation with care and attention. Crazy.

Kerouac!

2008-10-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well my pilgrimage is done and it was everything and more.
We rolled into Lowell at sunset and went straight to the cemetery. No luck in the darkness finding Jack, we headed to the bar. There he was hanging on the wall...on a t-shirt printed and hanging above the bottles of spirits in the Old Worster house. A middle aged gentelman was drunk singing, "Ommpa doompa doompitee doo...". (a la Willy Wonka)
We drank a few pints and headed on ending, eventually at the hotel for gorging on alcohol and food. Well rested the next day we got beautiful pictures in the Edson cemetery and at the Kerouac memorial in Lynn downtown proper.
It was well guarded by an intense man by the name of "Peter" who claims to be Jack's nephew. He gave us permission to take all of the pictures we wanted in his uncle's park and we trotted on.

I had been looking forward to this trip for years. Having seen Kerouac's original manuscript for "On the Road" in Las Vegas, I was looking forward to experiencing Jack's hometown for myself. It was a warm and meaningful trip and I couldn't have had better company, in the form of my co-conspirator and love...Pristine San Joaquin.
We lived and drank to Jack's spirit and celebrated his creativity and essence.I should add that the book on my stomach in the picture was purchased in New York City in 1998 and traveled with me through all of the Caribean ports for two years, through California and Nevada. To Burning Man and to Montreal, Quebec where it began an almost two year tour with Cirque du Soleil all the way to its authors resting place. Quite a journey. And we met those who are protective of his lineage as well ("Peter"). And returned with a piece of history reverberating within ourselves.
This was no let down. And I owe that to my girl. I love you Christine.
And I honor your history my Quebecois friend...Monsieur Kerouac.

2008-10-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I met some Professor's and grad students at M.I.T and was reminded of the projects that I have worked on over the last ten years. My first metaphysical hip hop concept album under the moniker "T.W.D" touched on the works of composer Scriabin, Elijah Muhammad, as well as Theosophy and Nietsche. I was commissioned in 2005 to do an adaptation of Shakespeare's "Titus Andronicus" for a live off Broadway production. All of the scene with the Moor and the goth boys was translated into Shakespearean speech and delivered in the style of The Beastie Boys. And that same year I began my transliteration of Dante's "The Divine Comedy", completing his second book , "Purgatorio" in hip hop format.
Scholarly....yes.
Brief...no.

These meaty projects have fallen into the back of my mind with time. Talking with these gentleman from the "Linguistics and Philosophical" studies department reminded me that I need to make more of these specific works available and collaborate with others whose works are creative and similar in tone.

Meaty projects for the future!

2008-10-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

My time in Boston, Mass is drawing to a close. It's been laid back for the most part. (I guess anything after a city filled with death and medical procedures is "laid back".) It has been nice seeing historical Boston and the Patriots that fought for the birth of our own nation. Brother freemason's who died to protect and fight for freedom.

We have bonded with Salem, MA. A great little city with warmth and quirky stores. My girl and I make up reasons just to fly over to Salem on our Ford broomstick and have dinner or pick up supplies and souvenirs. Living on the harbor has been great. I will remember fondly walking down the street to the 7 Eleven for sundries catching the brisk breeze passing by the water taxi and fishing boats on the Boston Fish Pier.

We have had great attendance at our shows every weekend and the crowds in Boston come to have fun!

Next we are headed to Washington D.C during the election so we'll be the second circus in town. But I have a few days off before then to see a little more of the east coast.

I have been away off roading awhile. And I am back with a vengeance.
Head in books and atmosphere engraved.

Amazon's Kindle and my slow techno-upgrade.

2008-08-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well here I am in sunny...wait rainy...no tornado-y Chicago. I have purchased the Amazon Kindle and it is revitalizing my information assimilation almost to overload. I am reading more AND learning more about more! electronic books are just the ground level here. The New York Times is delivered daily at 03:30.I can cross reference blogs which are footnoted with sources via the internet. and switching between all of these is seamless.

One moment I'm digesting the Times BAM! The next; fact checking on websites BAM! Looking at updated political blogs WHOA! Then shoot over to my books (currently "CIA briefings of Presidential Candidates" by John L. Helger) to relax and eventually I must do something in the "real world".

The Kindle is awesome and I should be getting residuals from Jeff Bezos the way I am moving these units. I am already responsible for three Kindle sales in Cirque du Soleil and I have two more on deck. Great for touring life and researching material.

Enough for now.

Let's see if I can have an end product.

2007-11-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

I have begun my hip hop invocations. Requisite DVD's, and background music in place.("The MC" dvd and Rakim's "The 18th Letter" to start off with.)I want to see if I can have an end product after working for a few hours. I have a lot of completed ideas and lyrics without the beats or recordings to back them up.

A backlog of flows-
That need a green patch to grow.

Productivity needs discipline to begin and end.
And then I'm in the mindset of imminent reminisce.
Intense events.
Construct then cleanse...the mind.
From the inner reaches and dunes just like a beach.
My speech-
Packed with the vitamin prose, just like a peach.
Release the beats!

And let the digital scribe scroll.
Unroll my soul uncontrolled and let my Will glow.

Samplers and mixers microphones and let the cords row-
mon bateau- I mean my boat is so cold.
Agwe' at the helm of the wheel in which he holds.

Now everything's in position so now I gotta go!

Back from the wild!

2007-11-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

We have re-immerged from the (literal) wilderness of Pinnacles National Monument in California! Six days with wild turkeys, racoons, bobcats, and deer. Camping was beautiful and quiet. We shot footage for the never ending production of the "Thelema is Dead" music video. (Shoot me in the head already..this project is drawing out, but there is always a reason.)

Now I am touching down briefly in Hollister, California (made semi-famous for hosting the original motorcycle invasion represented in the film "The Wild One" with Marlon Brando.) I don't predict music here.

Thursday is my birthday and we will move into our new apartment in San Francisco! Woo-hoo!
Ring the bells! We will arrive in S.F ready to shine and live it up.

Back in Las Vegas!

2007-10-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well we've arrived back home in Vegas and it feels really good. Canada was okay, but I am happy to be back in the U.S.A. I've never been a big patriotic guy. But now that I have spent a year in the Great White North, I can happily say, no more Government controlled liquor, no more 6pm closed stores, no ridiculous anal retentive control of the thermostat, and no more being taxed at sixty percent so that everyone can have middle of the road health care instead of the paying more and getting more.

This post was going to be a little more relaxed, but I guess I am just happy to be home.

Now then, we've got the mixer, hard drives, mics, and MPC 1000 ready to go! I'm on vacation ( a much deserved vacation) and all I need now is to schedule in the time to create and record. I've added a verse to an older song of mine called, "Kerouac". I am looking forward to moving into our new place in San Fransisco and can't wait to get to City Lights Bookstore and The Beat Museum. (Hopefully for my b-day on November 8th). The future is feeling rich and the crop will be prosperous!